Such is the Heart of Madness

Godric F. Ironhouse solves the madness of Mantol Derith

You get a hold person! You get a hold person! ...

So today, boys & girls, I tells you about the exploits of Godric Fucking Ironhouse, PI, and how he saved the whole fucking trading outpost of Mantol Derith from wiping itself out…

Now in those days, Godric Fucking Ironhouse, PI, was leading a group of scallywags about the Underdark in the Year of Madness. He had come to Mantol Derith with his sidekick Glabbagool, a couple drow, a half drow surfacer, a human, an orc, a tiefling, a derro, a myconid, & a group of captured goblins.

After gaining entry into the duergar warehouse, Godric F. Ironhouse proceeded to cast Zone of Truth (a handy investigation tool, that), around himself & the svirfneblin trader Yantha Coaxrock, who the duergar had said stole Krimgol’s gem. As he questioned the svirfneblin, he, being quicker than most, realized that when Yantha could lie to him, Yantha spoke at length, and when Yantha was forced to tell the truth, Yantha couldn’t hardly speak. And that could only mean one thing! Foul magics…

Now since Godric didn’t know the spells to get rid of the foul magics, he left Yantha in the care of the drow, goblins, derro, & myconid, with Glabbagool to supervise, while he and the others left to find someone that might. Not the best decision he coulda made, but ya work with what ya got. He split these into two groups, one to find the drow mage, Zilch, whom Yantha had named during Godric’s superb interrogation, and one to find if the svirfneblin had a priest able to cast those magics out.

Inquiries after Zilch quickly led the group lookin for him to a tall mushroom in the drow quarter, where the half-drow, orc and tielfing found a lazy, racist, somewhat drunk drow, who barely talked to them on account of none o them were drow, cause half-drow don’t really count to drow, remember. Despite offers of alcohol and money, Zilch informed them that they really should just go away and leave him alone since he didn’t even have his spellbook. He’d left it behind when he left Menzoberranzan.

Meanwhile, Godric Fucking Ironhouse led a small strike team to the svirfneblin warehouse, where a squad of duergar were busy breaking down the doors. For once, Godric’s silver tongue failed him and he was unable to convince the duergar soldiers to abandon their assault, so Godric and his team waited patiently for the duergar to bust down the door, then stormed in to find their target in the chaos. Having seen them come in with the duergar, the first gnome they saw was all ready to run from them until Godric cast his magics what stop a fella from moving. “Hold!” He yelled, and the little fella was held. After assuring the gnome that Godric meant him and his kin no harm and were trying to stop the fightin, the little fella led them down another couple aisles to find Gabble Dripskillet, the chief negotiator and cleric of the svirfneblin. When it became clear to Godric that Gabble would not leave until his people were safe and did have skills that would help interrogate Yantha, Godric Fucking Ironhouse knew what had to be done. “Hold!” he shouted and Gabble was held. “Pick him up and bring him along,” Godric said, as they turned and left the rest of the svirfneblin to die at the hands o them duergar…

Now, once Godric got Gabble back to the duergar warehouse, he saw that them duergar were dangling little Yantha over a large beastie out o the earth. Three arms, three legs, three eyes, even! That’s what you get when you leave a hostage with a buncha duergar and a drow. When he later questioned Glabbagool about it, the ooze replied that it was curious about this “interrogation” and what it was, so he saw no reason to intervene. Now, since all Gabble could do to help his mates was to get this done as fast as possible and get the duergar assault called off as fast as could be, he readily rattled off a spell to discern lies and relayed to Godric whether each statement Yantha told was a truth or a lie so that Godric could unravel what was done with the gem. After a coupla minutes, Godric knew that Yantha had given the gem to her assistant, Flink who had disappeared with it. When he told the priest about Yantha’s difficulty answering questions under his own spell which compelled truth, Gabble asked if he could cast restoration on Yantha to lift whatever ailment was so affecting her. This made Yantha all cooperative-like, as she told them everything she knew about the gem and her assistant. Thus began the search for Flink…

Now when the investigators working for Godric F. Ironhouse entered the drow mushroom garden again, the human, Ghecx his name was, spotted a little deep gnome spyin on the gargoyles on the ledges. They questioned him and once they told him that Yantha was safe and they needed him to tell them about the gem to free her, little Flink told them how he was bringin the gem to get the drow to cast some magics to hide it for his mistress when one of them gargoyles swooped down like a giant bat and snatched the gem from him! But he couldn’t tell which one on account a they all looked the same to him. He suggested that they get the lazy drow over there to tell the gargoyles to come down and give up the gem. Zilch quickly disabused them of the notion that he had any control over the gargoyles. Being all superior and drow-like though, he was able to point out how one o them was missing. And being properly bribed by the investigators, he was even able to tell them that it had flown over toward the Zhentarim quarter. Now this was gettin interesting to Zilch, so he decided to get up and follow along to see what all the fuss was about…

When Godric Fucking Ironhouse and his squad of investigators got to the Zhentarim quarter, they saw a small entourage of drow ladies waitin there to speak to them Zhentarim (they’re black market traders, you dolt! Now let me tell the story, unless you have more questions? No? Good. Now then,) Them drow was in a nasty mood and told the newcomers that they should go play in their ooze until the drow were done, because there was no way they’d get to talk to the Zhentarim first or stay and over hear their negotiations. With a particular threat to the ibilith for daring to speak to them, they offered to use his tongue for better purposes after removing it from his mouth…

Before the investigators turned away however, two things happened; that human, uh…Ghecx. Yeah, he spotted a gargoyle watching the clearing from above, and then the warehouse door opened to have Gazrim DuLoc and Lorthuun stroll and float out toward the pavilion of waiting drow. That gave the invetigators a right shock!! Not many people see a beholder and live to tell about it, let alone see one working with other creatures! Then one o the drow ladies jumped up and dashed across the pavilion to attack the beholder! Cut, duck, stab & miss! She was a fury, twistin and dodgin and striking! While that beholder, Lorthuun, peppered her with rays from his still attached eyestalks, to little avail. Sensing hesitance on the faces of the other drow, Godric knew he had to act quick or be swept up into a titanic battle worthy a song if anyone survived to tell it! He put all the magic he had into his voice and shouted, “HOLD!” and the assassin was held, and the beholder floated back. Before the helpless drow could be struck down, Godric Fucking Ironhouse jumped in to ask Gazrim and Lorthuun to stand down while they could all figure out where the gem causing all the problems was…

At Godric’s urging, the drow lead negotiator, Sirak Mazelor called down the lone gargoyle, who asked if he could tear apart the one whose magics were holding Kinyel for her. A little smirk from Sirak, but, “No. The dwarf there says that you took a gem from one of the gnomes. Where is it?” “Gave to beloved.” the gargoyle replied, pointing to Kinyel. “That’s a lie!” she spat. “The gem was a message to kill Lorthuun so I could return to House Druu’giir!” A little back and forth, and a restoration spell on Kinyel restored her to her senses after she dumped the gem onto the table of the pavilion, where we leave our daring investigators until next time…

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